c o n t a c t

[bracchium]

желание I know you are the answer, but I forgot the question.	печь There will always be a lie in believe.
один Whatever is static is dead.	рассвет The world is too quiet.

( CODE BY WHAMBAM )

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LATE DAY 006

[decommission]

[ The flurry of mental activity in the early morning had started Steve awake, it was far later than usual when he finally dragged himself out of bed. Jessica's empty presence aches more and more each day, another missing limb. Ares puts the number of Hosts in a coma at three. How long before they ended up back in the Nesting Deck chambers? The thought of their bodies hooked up to tubes, sleeping for God knows how long makes his skin crawl.

But it's not the only distraction on his mind.

A day isn't long enough for Bucky's arrival to settle in his mind. His memory holds parts of their conversation with sharp clarity, erratic sensory input and spoken words haphazardly pieced together. He'd reject all of it if he could, but no version of him can hear that story and accuse Bucky of being a liar. No version of him could hear and see all that, and feel anything but horror and grief.

(he's eighteen again, walking home from his mother's funeral)

It's later in the day when he finally notices Bucky's absence. Doesn't worry him at first - he'd seemed, of all things, interested in the mission. Steve had been trying to do the same thing, walking the nicer districts this time and getting one of those tech tours. But hours pass and there's still no sign of him at the Bearings, his room looking like it was left in a hurry.

A train brings him to the same platform he'd exited with Lexa a few days ago, following a faint trail. For better or worse Steve's understanding of his mental abilities have increased slightly ever since the day he decided to wander through the roots of his Brood. At a distance it's not easy to hold, but he can follow the link as he walks through the streets of Subspace. Keeps his head down - might've been a good idea to bring someone else with him. A trio of young men size him up as he passes a boarded up building. ]

[bracchium]

[Throughout the day, Bucky moves from place to place until his mind finally starts to quiet. His memories of where he is come in bits, puzzle pieces dumped into his head. The first thing he does is buy a journal. Back in Bucharest, he’d kept notes on his memories as they came in; he couldn’t stand to lose them, not again. It’s much the same here on Concordia. His notes are meticulous and include as much detail as he can recall, but he returns to them to augment them throughout the day.

He’s not in Russia, he’s not hunting a target, he’s not waiting on evac. His name is Bucky and he’s come to Concordia on a recon mission. Steve’s here. Steve’s small again. Steve knows. Steve told him to imagine walls to keep people out and they were supposed to practice today. Except today is almost over and it’s taken him too long to get his head set on his shoulders again.

In the back of his mind, a beacon glows, like a radar, and moves closer, reaching out for something or someone. It’s reminiscent of the man from earlier in the day, but much more pure and bright; this isn’t a touch that frightens him, instead it harkens him to follow.

The Nest, he figures, someone sent to bring him in. They can’t have their operatives running off in the middle of the night in the middle of a mission, after all. It makes sense, but Bucky’s not about to go hurrying back into a room full of minds he can’t shut out.

Sucking in a breath, he tucks his new journal into his pack and shoulders it. His left sleeve has more or less been cut off underneath the jacket for ease of maneuverability. As he exits his temporary hovel, the beacon in his head doubles in strength, no longer a beckoning but a command. He follows it to a group of three men speaking in hushed tones before they pick up on the scent of easy prey. They step out from under the concrete lintel to tail their target. ]

[decommission]

[ They aren't quiet, a trio of heavy steps smacking against the concrete some meters behind him. The streets are lit with tall lamps and buzzing neon signs, hardly a car passes by as he quickens his steps a bit, ducking into a twenty-four hour convenience store.

He makes it to the door, a soft chime announcing his entrance. The cashier barely flicks his gaze away from the cracked holo-screen fixed into the wall behind the counter. Steve's hands shove into his pockets and he loiters near the back, eyeing the cases of carbonated drinks and beer, waiting out his pursuers.

As much as some people like to insist on the contrary, Steve actually doesn't enjoy getting beat up and/or mugged - the mess on Avera has instilled some caution in him. ]

after ilde's post.

[deployed]

( You around? )

[ just a glancing brush of his mind, careful not to delve too deeply. ]

sorry i am so so late

[bracchium]

[Bucky doesn't respond with a 'verbal' response, but instead pushes his presence to meet the brush against his mind. He's here, he's listening.]

hush your face you're fine

[deployed]

( Where are you staying? In subspace? )

day early 30-somethingish

[decommission]

[ Left for Bucky on his cushion bed is a plain, lined notebook, small enough to fit in a large pocket.

The first page has a sketch of Bucky, drawn at a profile as he is now. Written next to it is James Buchanan Barnes.

The second page is a sketch of Sam Wilson, labeled with his name the same way.

The third page is more cartoon than realistic portrait: a Popeye-esque figure next to a shorter, noodle-armed version, both posing like they're in body building competition. Steve, 2016 and Steve, 1943 (and now).

The rest of the notebook is blank, a pen stuck inside of it. ]

[bracchium]

[An hour or so later, Bucky comes across his little gift from Steve. As soon as he realizes what it is, he's reaching out across the threads tangling them together, plucking Steve's like a doorbell. ]

( This for me? )

[decommission]

[ His attention shifts to their line, warming. ]

( Yep. ) [ He would've given it in person, but he gets a bit weird about people looking at his art when it's of them. ] ( I was picking up supplies, thought you might get use out of it. )

[ All the notebooks back at the Station are used.

A lot of them filled with interesting art. ]

day 2ish

[sizeofyourbaggage]

[ Their first day back on the station, Sam gives Bucky some space. He can tell that Bucky's avoiding him, and it's not exactly telling him to get the hell out, but given how much it'd taken for Bucky to tell him that the first time, Sam kind of figures that it's close. And he made a promise to respect it.

It's only now, away from the mission, that Sam's starting to realize just how many promises they've made each other. It's another one that eventually sends Sam hunting for Bucky, though at least he does it physically, rather than pushing at Bucky's mind. He doubts that Bucky is staying in communal bunks of the life support area - granted, neither is Sam, but he doesn't need to be there to not see him to guess that. Just like he doesn't need the symbiote connection to assume that Bucky's hidden himself in some dark hidey-hole somewhere far away, but it definitely helps when it comes to actually pinpointing it down.

Still, he does most of his hunting the old fashioned way, doing his best to keep his shields up and stay out of Bucky's head, at least for right now. It's a relief when he finally manages to track Bucky down. ]

Least it didn't take me two years this time.

[bracchium]

[Bucky had felt Sam coming from a long way off, tried to dodge him, but there were only so many dark hidey holes on the Station. Although Bucky's certainly improved his shielding, he doesn't exactly keep a low profile in terms of sheer noise his head makes on a daily basis. However, the inevitability of the situation doesn't preclude him from hoping. Having another mind so close to his so soon after getting a taste of quiet leaves him wanting to pull away again.]

Good job. [He feels a small measure of guilt for clearly running away, but sarcasm can only be so diluted.

His shields remain up, though less to keep Sam out as to attempt to retain a sense of privacy.]

[sizeofyourbaggage]

[ For his part, Sam keeps his shields on lock down as well, trying not to let anything slip out. He'd gotten lax about keeping them up around Bucky, with how much they’d been in each other’s heads towards the end of their time in Concordia, keeping Bucky grounded. It'd only been when Bucky started avoiding him that he'd realized how used to it he's already become.

So keeping himself back is only part out of a desire to give Bucky privacy and not overwhelm him. The rest of it is his own issues about having someone in his head, about missing their presence when it's not there, and it unsettles him.

Still, that doesn't stop him from grinning a little. ]

There's the snarky jackass I've been missing. You're gonna hurt my feelings here, man, you know you don't gotta literally run away from me any more, right?

day 3ish, pre-shield finding

[decommission]

( ? )

[ A gentle poke. Like Sam, he's been giving Bucky his space. The question isn't urgent, but it carries an unspoken, faint sense of concern. ]

o7

[bracchium]

[Bucky's walls go up at the mental nudge--- instinct drawing his hackles back--- but when he recognizes the touch he offers a nudge in return as a silent hello.]

a few days after their fight

[sizeofyourbaggage]

[ Waypoint's a big place, but Sam's patient - and this time he doesn't have to physically find him, just has to get close enough that he's within range of their connection.

He'd given Bucky his space, turned his attention on the mission, gone out drinking with Misato and Damon, tried to get his mind off their fight and his thoughts sorted. And honestly, he's not sure he's been completely successful, but he's had enough of the empty ache where Bucky's connection should be and the feeling that he let Bucky down. Eventually, he goes looking for him, until he can once again brush his mind against Bucky's. ]

( They miss you. ) [ It's accompanied by the impression of the little alien birds they'd been looking after. ] ( Buchanan won't stop pecking me. )

/plays all the breakup songs

[bracchium]

[For a while, Bucky hoped he'd finally burned the connection stringing him and Sam together- not out of any malice but a deep desire to somehow spare the rest of the Nest from the Soldier. Days of trying to braid his own hair and nights of attempting to find any sign of feathery friends bring nothing but more guilt for having taken comfort in such things in the past. More of his memories return in time, of the Station and Concordia, each colored with regret. Eventually, Bucky stopped moving from place to place, stopped going into crowds for anything--- every time he brushes against someone, he worries the symbiote will do something and bring the Soldier to life.

His freeze-dried food, carefully rationed, will only last for another day unless he thins the portions further. He's familiar enough with hunger to know that it stops hurting eventually.

When another mind brushes against his, Bucky recoils. Sam's mind is still distant and it's like talking through a tin can for the buffer between them. ]

( Should've named him Steve. )

ajagshd Bucky stop being a sad raccoon

[sizeofyourbaggage]

[ Even with the distance, even though he gets the feeling that Bucky sure as hell isn't taking care of himself, it's still something of a relief to have Bucky's presence back in his mind. He moves as he talks, not necessarily trying to find Bucky, just trying to get closer so their connection isn't so distant. ]

( Steve ain't the only stubborn jackass I know. )

day 35-36ish

[sizeofyourbaggage]

[ In the past, Sam's always brushed against Bucky's mind when he wanted to contact him, making his presence known like a mental knock before trying to say anything. Now - well, now he still kind of does, except for the fact that he still hasn't managed to pull his shields back together around Bucky. Or really figure out how to stay completely out of Bucky's head, or get Bucky out of his own, but honestly, he hasn't put too much effort in.

Still, he tries anyway, reaching out like a brush of feathers before his presence in Bucky's mind strengthens. ]

( I still owe you a drink, you know. )

yas gaga yas

[bracchium]

[Since Sam brought him to the hotel, Bucky's not really gone too far. It's physically difficult to put much distance between himself and Sam after practically living in his broodmate's head for a couple days, waiting out the programming's burn. So, he's not entirely sure Sam's left in the first place when he feels Sam more present in his mind. The proposition is met with a moment of hesitation before a quiet thought of they know what's causing the Soldier to come out here on the Station. It isn't random like he thought before or even inherently connected to violence.

Bars aren't exactly the best place to avoid violence, though.]

( Somewhere not crowded? )

before the Briefing Mission Start

[shiro2hero]

[He's never forgotten the coin. It's come in handy a few times. Especially in the dark, when he wakes up and his brain won't settle down. But he's never forgotten where it needs to go. Who needs it more than he does.]

[At some point, during the station's "day" cycle, he'll "knock".]

[A quiet request to talk to Bucky. If he's not busy.]

[bracchium]

[Bucky's been keeping mostly to the gardens when possible and when he hears that mental knock, he offers the image of a willow grove with purple bark. He also moves, lights up his side of the mental connection like a torch in the dark as he strides away from the campsite; Bucky would rather not bother Steve or Sam if they're sleeping, since rest is so difficult to find these days.]

late day 55; after the mission briefing

[sizeofyourbaggage]

[ Sam barely has to reach out to find Bucky's mind these days - it's more like a refocusing, pulling his attention back to the connection that's always open. It's probably likely that Bucky felt a little bit of the way talking to Cathaway got Sam unsettled, even though he'd tried to keep it in check, but he'd followed it up with something like reassurance, I'm fine.

Now it's more purposeful, an impression of you got a minute and I got something important. ]

late day 55; after the mission briefing

[bracchium]

[Bucky can't isolate himself, not really, after that briefing. It's smart to warn the hosts of the stakes to their mission, that those who fall behind get left behind, but the suddenness of the briefing has him off guard. It's too much like HYDRA to ignore, when he would be pulled into consciousness, wiped, and then briefed without a choice in the matter.

When Sam presses against his mind, Bucky's packing, though not entirely with purpose.

He's here if you want him.]

day 002ish

[sizeofyourbaggage]

[ Despite being missing - and being worried about - Katie and Shiro and the others still down on the planet, Sam knows they made the right choice coming back to the Station, and he doesn't regret it at all. It's a relief not to have to be undercover, not to have to worry about being a spy and keeping people in line or any of that. To just be able to breathe, focus on himself and Bucky and those who came back with them.

And it takes a while for the poison to completely work itself out of Bucky's system, which means Sam's even more glad they're back in the relative safety of the Station. At least then they can actually - more or less - seclude themselves, and Sam can be as much up in their shared mental space as Bucky will let him.

Maybe it'd be better to try saying the words when Bucky's not at full strength, just in case, but that's not a risk Sam's willing to take. They can handle anything the programming throws at them without doing it while Bucky's still recovering as far as Sam's concerned.

But Sam doesn't want to wait too long and risk something else happening, so it's not too long before Sam brings it up. Or, well, technically the idea that they should jump on it while they're alone and relatively deep within the Station comes to mind, but seeing as he isn't bothering to try to keep any walls up, it's the same thing. ]

( Still on board? )

[bracchium]

[Coming back to the Station was the best choice, Bucky would agree. Upon arrival, Bucky felt that same itch to run, the need to isolate, but his exhaustion kept him from doing much more than collapsing onto the nearest bunk. Between the residual vomiting and aching that runs through his whole body, he's spent most of the first couple days resting and thinking. He doesn't want to put off using the words any longer than necessary, but he's grateful for the extra time to get back on his feet.

He's still got a pounding headache when Sam's mind brushes against his and he gives the mental impression of a nod as he shifts in his bunk. He wants this and sooner rather than later. And with fewer people on the Station, there is less of a chance of him hurting someone.]

( Yeah. )