bracchium | c o n t a c t

[ This connection between them - there's been a lot of times that Sam hated it, some when he was grateful for it, and moments when he didn't know what he'd do without it. But he's done fighting it. It's a reality, one he can't change, and all he can do is accept it and move forward the best he can.

Even when it pulls shit like this, when stuff he'd never meant to say slips out and he can feel Bucky's reaction, the clenched jaw and uncertainty, the programming creeping back up. He runs his fingers through Bucky's hair again, just enough to make the feathers sway and brush against his ears, as he lets himself focus more on their connection, putting more of himself into it so it's just a little bit stronger. ]

Hey now, don't pull that on me. I never met the guy you were back then. I don't give a shit about him, he ain't you. That's never gonna be who you are again. [ Harsh, maybe, for all that Sam's matter-of-fact tone is still gentle, but it's true. And Sam's never pulled his punches when it comes to Bucky; the guy deserves better than platitudes and unrealistic optimism. ] You aren't the Soldier, either, not anymore. All I want is to be here while you figure out who you are, not who you're not. Only thing I want from you is to not give up.

[ And also for him to stop killing people and probably not try to murder Sam himself again, but he's pretty sure they already covered that with Sam's promise to take him out if he hurt anyone again. ]

Edited 2017-03-07 00:35 (UTC)

[Bucky bristles from the increased pressure on the link from Sam. The feathers brush against his ears and scratch against his stubble, a physical reminder of the departure from HYDRA. That's what they were here for, crouched down in the corner with feathers and braids: because Bucky wanted more reminders that he had escaped. And Sam was helping him, despite being thrown by his face too many times.

At least he isn't lying to either of them. Steve carries too many hopes for Bucky to stomach while Sam isn't afraid to lay out harsh truths. Bucky will never be the smooth-talking charmer from Steve's memories, not even with all the effort in the world.

It still sounds oh too simple. He's not Bucky from Steve's memories, he's not the Soldier, then what is he, really? In the meantime while he figures out things, people around him are at risk.]

You couldn't give a happier pep talk, Wilson? [A little growl.]

[ Sam eases up a little, not pulling back so much as settling down, sinking into their connection as it is. They're both already in each other's heads more than Sam'd thought they'd ever be, and Sam'll let that be for the moment.

His point has been made, he's pretty sure. He's not gonna lie to either of them.

He's unable to keep down the snort of laughter, even as he rolls his eyes. That's who Bucky is to him right now: the little shit that asks him questions like that, who wants affection and companionship at the same time as he has no idea what to do with it and doesn't think he deserves it, who struggles with himself and the things he's done and where to go from here - who's a stubborn ass about doing it alone.

It's no wonder that Sam's found himself liking the guy. ]

I am a fucking delight, Barnes, can't you feel the rays of sunshine?

[It's a way of giving Sam what he wants while fighting back against the programming humming heavy in the back of his mind. Sam's snort of laughter is welcome in the oppressive atmosphere and Bucky sucks in a breath before releasing it with a heavy exhale. He'd rather do this figuring out who he is alone, without the risk to those around him, but when it comes to confidants, there are much worse choices than Sam Wilson.

Sam Wilson who tries to get him to want things, who doggedly reminds him he's allowed to want things even when it grates against the bone-deep programming that never ceases. For every problem Bucky brings to Sam's doorstep, Sam finds a solution, makes realistic promises, and only asks for the same effort from Bucky.]

You're the one braiding my hair. [Can you feel his fucking rays of sunshine? Because clearly Bucky is all about the sunshine.]

[ He breathes in and out not quite in sync with Bucky, feeling some of the heaviness bleed back out again. Sam's getting used to this, just about, the back and forth between them where the tension can ramp up when they hit each other's buttons, when Sam pushes Bucky a little too much or Bucky pulls back a little too hard - but then they even out, things settle down and are almost easy between them.

Bucky is honestly better at doing this with him than some other people Sam's known, and he doesn't bother to hide that feeling.

At this point, well. Sam figures he's pretty much at risk whether Bucky does his figuring out alone or with support - he's figured that for almost three years, and he's had plenty of time to reconsider and back out. Hasn't yet, and he's got no plans to change that. He doesn't want Bucky to do this alone when they could work together. ]

I'm making you Bucky with the good hair, that's what I'm doing. [ He finishes off another braid with one of the last of his feathers, tucking it behind Bucky's ear. ] Bursts of sunshine, the pair of us, that's why we gotta do this back here.

[Bucky with the good hair. He can deal with that, he thinks. He jumps a little at the touch to his ear, but re-focuses on his breathing. The process of braiding is calming in and of itself, the gentle tugs another source of sensations to ground himself. With the curtain of hair finally drawn back, he can see more of the world. It reminds him of Bucharest and one reason why he wore caps. Braids will be much easier to manage when it comes to hygiene, too.

He can't be who he used to be, maybe, but he could be the Bucky with the good hair.

Compared to where he started, it's a step in the right direction.]

Otherwise we might blind someone.

[ Honestly, sitting like this and running his fingers through Bucky’s hair, focusing on the strands slipping through his hands and the press of the feathers, on getting the braids just right - it’s grounding for Sam, too. He feels comfortable with Bucky when they’re like this, and though he’s trusted him to some degree for a while, he’s not sure when that happened. The brood bond between them hums at the back of his mind, quiet and content.

Sam tries not to notice how it feels like belonging, like something like home - but honestly, even without the connection, the comfort would be the same.

He laughs at Bucky’s comment, quiet but delighted all the same. ]

Damn right. Gonna have to start calling you sunshine now, huh?

[Bucky lets out a chuckle, bright and unbridled in his surprise. He's had many nicknames in his collection of pasted together memories, but nothing quite like this. Sunshine. That may have better suited him in the past, but now that he's Bucky with the good hair, he can be Sunshine, too.]

Sunshine?

Sunshine.

[ His tone is a cross between teasing and pleased, and his smile is the same. Sam's bounced around between ice related nicknames for Bucky, yeah, but he likes this one. He thinks he might keep it. ]

If I pretend like it's taking me a long time to do these last couple of braids, will you sit with me a while? I'm getting too old to get up off the floor quickly.

[ Look, Sam's comfortable like this, all right. ]

[Bucky won't admit it out loud, but he likes having his hair braided, likes being touched. It makes him feel more human and less like the Soldier. He's more than happy to blame the continued touch on Sam,though. That part helps him cope with getting something he wants. So, he settles in a touch more, relaxing under the gentle ministrations.]

Think I can manage.

желание I know you are the answer, but I forgot the question.	печь There will always be a lie in believe.
один Whatever is static is dead.	рассвет The world is too quiet.

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