bracchium | c o n t a c t

[ That - is honestly not what Sam was expecting. The last time he heard that was from Ilde, only he's pretty sure she was trying to manipulate him into doing what she wanted. ]

People keep saying that. Man, the last call I made I sent most of our team to prison and got one of my friends paralyzed from the waist down. It ain't like I'm doing all that better here, I-

[ He cuts off. Sam can't save everyone, he knows that. He does. He learned it a long time ago and he's been reminded of it so many damn times over the years, and every time he does his best to come back from it, but - he can't do it alone. Sam can talk to people, he can listen to them and support them and challenge them and refuse to let anyone walk on him, but he ain't Steve. ]

I'm not a leader, sunshine, I'm just trying to do my best. Being friends with you, doing - whatever this is between us, it - I don't know, it makes things easier. Don't make me talk about feelings, all right, it's gonna make both of us uncomfortable. [ He'd rather just slide his hand down Bucky's chest, around his waist and up his back, keeping close. ] Who the hell knows why Cathaway does anything, anyway.

[Bucky bites his lip at Sam's response, at the reminder of the consequences of the airport, of trusting Bucky's word that there were more of him out there that needed to be stopped. More lives were changed and tainted from winter's touch. Bucky's more than happy to not talk about their feelings, content to ignore putting into words the bond between them that continues to deepen past the point of friendship and into something far more intimate. He welcomes the distraction and hunches his back enough that he can put his chin on Sam's shoulder, offering a soft grunt of acknowledgment.

As usual, the more points of contact, the quieter the programming hums. If Bucky had his way--- if he let himself be selfish--- he'd let the Nest go without him and Sam, just to get some true quiet time.

But Sam's too responsible and Bucky can't let himself want.]

[ Sam lets out a quiet exhale at Bucky biting his lip, squeezing his hand lightly. That one's his, Bucky, let him have it. He promises he won't hold onto it for too long, but it's still something he's gotta work through.

He doesn't say anything, though, content to splay his hand between Bucky's shoulderblades and close his eyes at Bucky's chin on his shoulder, leaning his head against Bucky's and nuzzling a little.

Something faint between rueful and amusement swirls at that bit about him being too responsible. ]

( You know me so well. ) [ It's more praise that recrimination. A lot of people see a part of Sam, some see more than one, but Bucky's one of a few that sees just about all of who he is. It's a relief, even if he doesn't always understand it.

He holds Bucky closer, until even their legs are pressed together, creating as many points of contact as possible to shut the programming even further out. ]

( You can want. It's just you and me, all right, this is our space. You can want anything. We'll go off by ourselves, even on the mission. I want it, too. )

[Bucky hums at Sam's initial response, his lips quirking as he snakes an arm around Sam's waist and tangles his fingers in Sam's shirt. When they're like this, he can hardly hear the programming at all, little more than a whistle on a summer breeze. He knows it won't last forever, not really, but an oasis like this is hard to resist, especially in the face of the upcoming mission.

When Sam continues, though, Bucky finds himself hesitating. Wanting leads to danger, wanting leads to erratic weapons. Weapons need to focus on the mission and Sam needs to focus on being responsible.

Knowing he doesn't need to verbalize this, Bucky instead sighs into the side of Sam's neck.]

[ Nothing lasts forever, Sam knows that. But like this - well, it's easy to believe that maybe they can do this, that maybe they can actually pull this off. This is why he fights, for moments like this when they can be happy. He'll hold onto it, and to their camping trip and their time on Waypoint in that shitty studio with all those alien baby birds.

He slides one hand up Bucky's back, enough to be able to play with the braids in his hair. ]

( I don't care about what we need to do right now. I want you, I want this. And it's okay for you to want it, too. ) [ There's a pause, and it's clear in Sam's mind that he's unsure, that he doesn't want Bucky to feel like he should want it just because Sam does. And he knows that Bucky does, he's felt him want Sam's presence before, but that doesn't mean he's gotta do it all the time. ] ( And it's okay for you not to, too. I know you can't always tell me, but I'll pick it up. )

[Bucky doesn't mind the fingers curling up over the ends of his braids. He hasn't seen fit to cut his hair since arriving on the station and it was long enough to braid before. Now, he's got some decent length on it, making it easier to maintain in the braids than before. Sam's memories mingle with his own, remind him that they have this at the end of the day, at the end of the mission.

Sam doesn't really need to ask if Bucky wants him, wants whatever their relationship has turned into, because he does, a whole heck of a lot more than he ever expected to.

Still, there are times that deserve verbalization and this is one of those times.] ( I do. )

[ It's something Sam appreciates, honestly, though he's sure as hell not gonna tell Bucky that he likes his hair long. Not more than what Bucky can probably pick up when Sam braids his hair, anyway.

Which is also something that Sam appreciates, mostly, the fact that they don't really have to talk to get things across sometimes - but he loves it when Bucky does, anyway. He's not sure he could explain why, except maybe some combination of liking Bucky's voice and it being a good sign when he's able to verbalize, but there it is. His free hand moves in absent circles, catches on the hem of Bucky's shirt, and settles, fingertips resting against skin. ]

( It's yours. )

[ All of it: the shared mental space, the physical contact, the mutual support, working together to chase away the programming, the teasing and hassling and goofing off, everything that's between them. As long as Bucky wants Sam, he's got him. ]

желание I know you are the answer, but I forgot the question.	печь There will always be a lie in believe.
один Whatever is static is dead.	рассвет The world is too quiet.

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