Entry tags:
c o n t a c t
желание I know you are the answer, but I forgot the question. | печь There will always be a lie in believe. |
один Whatever is static is dead. | рассвет The world is too quiet. |
желание I know you are the answer, but I forgot the question. | печь There will always be a lie in believe. |
один Whatever is static is dead. | рассвет The world is too quiet. |
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No matter what it takes.
When the Soldier stands in front of him, Sam lets himself straighten up, forcing himself to uncurl his hands. ]
Good morning Soldier. [ He pauses, waiting for the response and gathering his own thoughts - trying to steel himself, more accurately. He wants to launch right into trying to change the programming, to give Bucky his own leash, but he promised. What happened on Hyrypia isn't going to happen again. ] There's been an update in mission parameters.
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[He says nothing more, nothing less, and makes no eye contact with his handler. New parameters are not unheard of, but unusual enough that the programming skips a gear where it churns away under the soldier’s skin. Be ready for anything, it clamors.]
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It's easy not to be afraid, to hold himself confident and steady with just the slightest bit of wariness for someone as dangerous as the Soldier. It's the way he's always been, and he doesn't have to try not to be afraid of the Soldier.
It's harder not to let this affect him, to be distant and casual and emotionless.
To not be just a little bit disgusted with himself. ]
Covert. Don't draw attention to yourself [ no excessive violence ] - there's no extraction point to get to. If you lose sight of your objective, return to - [ And here he hesitates, because he can't do it, he can't call himself a handler. ] Me.
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The handler standing a few feet away shows no fear in his posture as he speaks. No handler ever should have fear for the Soldier, only those without complete control over the weapon should ever fear its destructive power. The first order is easy to digest, one gear slotting out and another shifting into its place. Covert mission. Do not bring attention to himself is priority one. The second comes less easily, but a termination protocol was an inevitability. No extraction means termination. Return to handler for failure conditions and punishment. If unable to, terminate.
All weapons have a shelf life and the Soldier has his.]
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He stays in Bucky's mind, buried deep where the tendrils of their brood bond have taken root, hiding in the foundation. Quiet, nonthreatening, because he has to focus.
It's when he feels that reluctant inevitably, when the programming hums with termination that everything screeches to a halt. That Sam can't hold back his emotion, can't contain the kneejerk no. ]
Termination is not an option, termination is never - [ It's not never. It's an option Sam promised he'd take himself, but only in extreme circumstances, and it's not an option he can ever let the programming write in. ]
You're essential in this mission. If you lose sight of the objective, find me so I can remind you of it. No decisions about termination can be made alone.
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The gears refuse the orders, spit out the pieces it already digested, and sets to burning the earth. Already the foundation of Bucky’s mind is cracking, but the programming digs deeper, claws sharpened to fine edges and white hot as it attempts to dig for the alien presence.
On the surface, the Soldier’s posture shifts back before he launches into an assault, pushing forward into Sam in an effort to knock him off his feet.]
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He shouldn't have pushed, shouldn't have - the programming was already on guard, ready for something, it wasn't quite the blank slate that Sam'd been both dreading and expecting. Something was missing, he just -
Doesn't have time to figure out what at the moment. He at least had a plan for what to do to protect them mentally. All right, to protect Bucky mentally, but same thing as far as Sam's concerned. He throws up shields around the places in Bucky's mind that feel like home, the parts of Bucky that are his and the parts of Sam that belong to Bucky - as though he could separate them out like that, as though they weren't all mixed together and twisted deep - but it doesn't matter when he can protect them. At the same time, he draws attention to himself, rearing up like he's gonna fight to give the programming something to attack.
It means he leaves himself more open than he should for a physical attack, and he doesn't manage to dodge when the Soldier lunges at him. He shifts as he's knocked to the ground, trying to get away more than trying to land so he doesn't hurt anything.
He scrambles up to try to get into a position more defensible, but it takes longer than he'd like with the way his knee protests. ]
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On Sam’s cue, Bucky tries to rise up as well, to gather the pieces of himself scattered to the wind, but globs of acid burn through him,
hollow him, as the Soldier attacks on the surface.
The imposter is rolling away from him but the Soldier is on him in less than a heartbeat, going straight for the jaw. Knock out or kill then extract. Extraction is everything. Get away from the imposter.]
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The programming tries to uproot him and he can't leave, can't do anything but flare up his wings as the programming's claws rip at them, feeling the metal flex and bend and sizzle. The struggle is holding on to who he is, grabbing every piece of Bucky - of himself - of them both that he can and -
He can't remember how to separate, can't feel out what's him and what's Bucky and what's the shared space that's neither and both of them, where they connect and where they're distinct.
Sam doesn't fight back. The Soldier's hit connects with his jaw and pain flares through him, enough that it probably would have knocked him out with out the symbiote's boosts. And even though his ability activates immediately, seeking to transfer the injury, it might as well have knocked him out.
He's too caught up in the mental confusion to react physically, not when his ability is ready to take care of it. ]
lmk if this isn’t okay
The Soldier follows up the first hit with a second, cracking his fist across the imposter’s jaw. He’ll break out a third if needed to knock his opponent down.]
works for me!
The programming changes its tactics, scorching down everything and Sam screams. It echoes across their - Bucky's - mind, but it gives Sam something to focus on. He shifts tactics, too, stretching out across everything to try to sink into the places he belongs.
There's somewhere they slip into so they can hide, so they can wait where it can't touch them, he knows. But the pieces of Bucky that it sends scattering feel like pieces of himself, and it's just as disorienting. He fractures a little, fissures of ice frosting over his wings. ]
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The corridors blur around him as he moves, doorways warp and open when they didn't before, but he pays little attention. There's a hangar on the Station and the programming knows that, directing the Soldier to make specific turns.]
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But something tips, and even he's not sure if it's because the Soldier is putting distance between them or because his searching finally led him to their brood bond. Both, maybe, maybe the feeling of home called out to him more strongly when the distance started to make separation more clear.
Sam rolls into their shared link, slipping under and it's not so much that he's suddenly himself again, it's - safe, he's safe. There's room to breathe, to sort out what's here and what's not, where he is and where Bucky should be.
To feel Bucky's absence and miss it with just as much strength, but know what he needs to do to get it back.
They've been through this before. It doesn't matter how much the programming tries to burn, how hard it tries to knock them down and kick him out - they're stronger. They'll always be stronger, and Sam should have known better than to try to take it on without using their bond.
There's a surge of panic as he feels the Soldier moving even further away from him, but he pushes through it as he struggles to his feet.
He takes off, doing his best to stay out of Bucky's mind and chase the Soldier down just based on his sense of where his broodmate is - but it's hard, and he slips in and out as he tries to steady himself. ]
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Instead, he continues to push on, through the maze of steel to another door. Charging through the door, however, sends him sprawling. He falls upwards, onto what should have been the ceiling. However, it holds a pool, filled with water, surrounded by walkways.
The Soldier struggles to right himself, to make sense of the disorienting change in perspective. Underneath the surface, Bucky attempts to spring to life, to gather the small collection of glass to wrest control back from the programming, but with Sam so far away, his presence growing dimmer, he has no chance and he's shattered once more into the fire.]
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Still, maybe it's his sense of the Soldier trying to make his way through a maze, but he notices, dimly, that this is a part of the Station he's never been to before.
There's a part of him that thinks come on, help us out, a part that reaches out to the Station liked he'd tried when he first learned it was alive and connected. He still can't feel whether or not the Station responds, but then, most of his focus is on Bucky anyway.
He's unwilling to push his way back into Bucky's mind and get the programming more riled up, but he pours himself into their brood bond, grabbing hold of it with everything he's got.
I'm coming. He won't let the Soldier get away, won't leave Bucky alone. ]
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Beneath him, the pool casts waves of aqua light around the room, bright and disorienting as he takes the rungs three at a time.
Bucky reaches out for Sam the same way Sam does to him, buried in the brood link with a brush of cedar and pine as he holds on to the tendrils.]
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Sam fares... a little bit better when he crashes through the door to the upside down pool, if only because he's used to gravity messing with him. He free falls down - up? - for a moment before instinct kicks in and his wings flare out.
He tailspins, disoriented and struggling to reconcile when his body says he's flying up and his eyes say down, and then says fuck it and slams his eyes shut. He can fly blind, as far as he's concerned, and he lets himself level out before he focuses back in on his sense of where the Soldier is.
Then he opens his eyes, enough to kick his thrusters into gear and pick up the chase again. ]
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If it passes.
The Soldier steps onto the diving board as Sam comes roaring into the space, wings out and thrusters burning. No time for an attempt at a jump. Only time to pivot, to try and use the imposter’s momentum against him in an effort to steer Sam toward the water.]
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It'll pass. It always does, and they'll always be stronger.
Even as the Soldier pivots and tries to use Sam's own wings against him. Of course he does, in all the times they've fought against each other Sam's wings have always given him both an edge and a weakness, and the Soldier's always known where to target.
Sam could try to stop his momentum but - it's still disorienting enough to mess with him, and instead he grabs for the Soldier, trying to get a decent enough grip to maybe take him with him, or at least throw him off balance. ]
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Fine. He'll drown you first.
He hits the water and stays just as locked onto Sam as before, dragging him down deeper into the diving pool. For a moment, there's a bone-deep instinct to kick, to push to the top- his neck pressed to the side of a shattered glass lid, looking down into crimson water- but the Soldier fights it as he holds his breath.]
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Before they came here, Sam would've kicked to get away, because there's no way in hell he was gonna win a contest in who could stay under water the longest with the Soldier. But things are different now that Sam has the symbiote, now that he's worked to modify his own lungs - he wonders dimly if his symbiote ability will kick in if they start to really suffer from lack of oxygen, and which one of them it'll heal if it does.
It doesn't matter right now. Right now he pulls his wings in before they hit the pool and relaxes. He lets the Soldier drag him deeper, lets him be the one to expend energy, reminds himself not to panic don't panic you can do this. Just like the pipeline back in pararescue training. And he waits, arm wrapped around his back and one ankle hooked around the Soldier's.
At the same time he focus more firmly on their brood link, a reassurance that he's not giving up, just in case. He doesn't want Bucky to think that he's just gonna let the Soldier drown him, he's just gonna try to outlast him.
...unless they manage to get all the way to the bottom, then Sam's got plans to kick off and push them back to the surface, but that's not for right now. ]
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Except Bucky wants none of this, doesn't want to be in the water and from the safe soil of Sam's mind, he strikes out for the programming like a shoot of a tree. But he meets the same fire of before, the brunt of his assault burned away in an instant. This isn't working and he can't let Sam drown, not like this, not now.]
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Except he can sense Bucky trying to fight for him from their brood link, and there's a moment where he can't feel anything else but a fierce love.
I got this his mind murmurs, stroking soothingly over Bucky's presence. We got this, we can do it.
But he changes tactics anyway, using the momentum from twisting his upper body away from the Soldier to snap a kick out with his free leg, aiming for the Soldier's stomach. ]
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And he wishes he were stronger. He wishes he could do more, even as more of his bark is singed away. There's not much left of him but he would throw it all to the wind if it would guarantee Sam's safety.
The Soldier twists, but not fast enough in the water where every movement slows down to a fraction of the speed. He takes the hit square on and involuntarily gulps down a lungful of water. Suddenly, his fight becomes much more than outlasting. It becomes a simple effort to survive against an assailant.
He moves on instinct, pressing his hand to Sam's throat, but when two points of contact are made- when such energy and hate collides with love and the need to survive- his ability goes off. What would have been a spark before erupts into a storm of electricity that ripples through the water and spikes along the walkways of the pool.]
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He's too distracted by the fight to be able to respond to much of that, but there's a jumbled of feeling of disagreement - Bucky is stronger, he's still here, there's a part of him that held on and that never would've happened when they first got here - as well as acknowledgement. He understands wanting to do more, and it strengthens his resolve to see this through.
Pain courses through Sam's body, vision going black as his mouth opens in a silent scream - and then it fades as his own ability activates, though it still leaves his nerves vibrating with the aftershocks. But it does nothing for the water he'd choked down or the lack of oxygen, and he starts trying to pull free.
They know exactly what happens when Bucky uses his ability, and it's an automatic response that has him burying himself more into their brood bond, twining around Bucky and holding tight to the pieces of him he's got, in case the reset tries to scatter them. At the same time, there's the background knowledge that now, he needs to do it now, say the words and take advantage of -
But he has to get them both to the surface and breathing before he can try again, and his hand clenches in the Soldier's shirt as he kicks, desperately trying to haul them both to the surface. ]
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lmk if this isn't ok!
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