Entry tags:
c o n t a c t
желание I know you are the answer, but I forgot the question. | печь There will always be a lie in believe. |
один Whatever is static is dead. | рассвет The world is too quiet. |
желание I know you are the answer, but I forgot the question. | печь There will always be a lie in believe. |
один Whatever is static is dead. | рассвет The world is too quiet. |
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Sam's had countless opportunities to walk away, and he's not here out of pity or a sense of responsibility. He's here because he wants to be. Because he likes making Bucky smile.
He tugs on one of Bucky's braids with his free hand, like he can alleviate the quiet heaviness if he stays playful. ]
( You saying you don't value my time? ) [ Their connection is already open, but now Sam draws attention to it, just a little - just enough that if the emotions are too much for Bucky, there's somewhere for him to bleed them off to. ] ( Looks to me like we need another round. )
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The tug to his braid is entirely unexpected and Bucky blinks at Sam in surprise. What the hell you punk---
He reaches over to finish the rest of Sam's drink in revenge. Jerk. Take that.]
( You do now. )
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To the one who, despite everything, came out tonight to get drinks with him and wondered why they didn't just have a Christmas whenever the hell they felt like it.
The one who just chugged the rest of Sam's drink, what the hell.
Sam laughs harder than he has in a while, his hand on Bucky's knee the only thing keeping him from sliding out off the bar stool as he shoots Bucky a displeased look that would probably have more success if he wasn't still chuckling. ]
( You're such a jackass. ) [ He waves over the bartender anyway, though. ] ( Completely out of proportion, man. )
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The bartender comes over, antennae pivoting as it moves. Bucky doesn't have a second drink picked out yet.]
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He asks the bartender questions about the menu, about the kind of alcohol they serve there, both to get a better idea of what's close to something that might be served on Earth and to give Bucky time to consider the options. He focuses on things similar to what they've already got, fruity and sweet or crisp and minty.
Finally he settles on something on the menu called a Wet Major. ]
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Sam knocks back his empty glass, like he's gonna get just a few drops left from the melted ice, as he waits for the bartender to bring their second drinks. ]
( You're a hot dog and mojitos kind of guy, huh? We gotta go on a grocery shopping run before we're done here, stock up the Station's kitchen with hot dogs. I can't remember the last time I made one that wasn't microwaved. )
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( Best is over a campfire. Next is boiling 'em. ) [From the hot dog conisseur himself.]
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( Bet we could get a fire going on the Station. )
[ He hunts around for the food menu, pushing it towards Bucky. Bucky's not the only one who feels like he's always hungry, these days. ]
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( Think they'll let us? )
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He doesn't say anything about the faint hint of refusal. It's not like he expects Bucky to just get over it, and he'd rather not draw attention to it. Not when Bucky's trying, when he's already come such a long way.
Sam grins as their second round of drinks comes, shooting Bucky a sly look. ]
( I don't think I'll ask. We can do it anyway. )
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When their drinks clink down on the table between them, Bucky's has a little umbrella in it, which sparks an idea.]
( You ever go camping before? )
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( Couple of times when I was a kid, some when I got back from overseas and couldn't deal with another night of a bed that was too soft and a room that was claustrophobic. ) [ Which is the kind of thing he only admits to people he trusts, to soldiers who know what it's like, but Bucky's both. He doesn't hesitate.
He pulls his drink towards him, a wordless hum across their mental link that's both question and encouragement to go on. ]
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( Don't remember doing it before... ) [Before HYDRA, he doesn't need to say.] ( Did it after. For the first few months. )
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It'd always helped knowing that he wasn't alone. ]
( I still think about it sometimes, when things get to be too much. You think it might help if you tried it when it gets overwhelming? ) [ He pauses, just for a moment. ] ( You think you might mind some company if you do? )
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( Hadn't thought about it. ) [Both the camping and having company. Usually, he finds he must be alone, for the danger he poses to others.]
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It does't really matter, anyway, seeing as he believes in them both more than enough to think it'd come to that.
He understands the need for freedom, though, and he hums thoughtfully. ]
( Will you think about it now? )
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He can't promise he won't listen to his instinct to run.
What he can promise, though, is that he'll try. Maybe after the fact--- after running when he realizes he's done it--- but he will try. That much he owes Sam. If Sam wants it, Bucky will give it a shot, even if Bucky thinks it's a bad idea. Flashes of the strobing lights in Berlin streak across his mind, his fingers curled about Sam's jaw. And again in DC, kicking Sam out into open air with only one wing. He's not safe.]
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The feeling of security sleeping next to him. He bumps Bucky’s knee slightly with his own. ]
( That's only a piece of who you are. Me? I'm here for the whole package. Even the parts you ain't opened yet. ) [ Sam takes a gulp of his drink. ] ( I won’t ask you to do more than try. I'll try, too, to give you space when you need it and to apologize when I make mistakes. )
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He looks down at his drink, running his fingers over the embossed ripples in the glass. Once again, he finds himself at odds with Sam's confidence that Bucky has more good parts of him tucked away somewhere in the dark.]
( Didn't think you made mistakes. )
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Until maybe one day Bucky believes him when Sam says he's worth the effort, maybe he'll actually be comfortable with having someone who cares.
But he doesn't push the issue now, picking up on what Bucky chose to comment on with ease. ]
( Course it's rare, but yeah. Yeah I do. ) [ He loses the cocky smile, going a little rueful. ] ( I mostly got my shit together, you know, but I worked on it for a long time. I still got days when all I see is everything I should've done different. )
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He takes a swig of his drink before shifting a few inches closer to Sam so their knees touch. The contact brings a comforting hum to his senses and for now he lets that feeling grow.]
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And then Bucky actually initiates contact, and the smile that lights up Sam's face is... probably a little bit silly, really. The ease shifts, warms, echoes across their connection, and Sam knocks back a long drink before he looks back over at Bucky. ]
( Which one do you like the best so far? )
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Tapping the side of his glass, Bucky answers,] ( This one. )
[It's bright and refreshing without overloading on sweetness or the burn.]
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Right now Sam keeps the contact, and reaches up absently to tuck a stray strand of Bucky's hair behind his ear. ]
( Maybe next time we'll go somewhere with a beach, knock back a couple of these with our toes in the sand and watch the sunset. ) [ He sounds almost wistful, even as he catches the bartender's eyes and gestures them over. ] ( I'll settle for a pitcher and a couple of hot dogs right now. )
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I SOMEHOW DIDN'T SEE THIS holy crap i'm sorry
it's ok!
<3
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