bracchium: (b)
ᴛʜᴇ ᴡɪɴᴛᴇʀ sᴏʟᴅɪᴇʀ ([personal profile] bracchium) wrote2016-05-08 06:13 pm
Entry tags:

c o n t a c t









желание
I know you are the answer, but I forgot the question.



печь
There will always be a lie in believe.



один
Whatever is static is dead.



рассвет
The world is too quiet.















sizeofyourbaggage: (kinda like that)

[personal profile] sizeofyourbaggage 2017-05-08 12:35 am (UTC)(link)
[ All right, fair enough, frustration was far too mild of a term to cover Bucky's struggle in figuring out who he was and who he's not and who he's gonna be. There's a hum of acknowledgement across their connection, and close on its heels is the feeling that if Sam wanted to be anywhere else with anyone else, he would be. The first is intentional, the second not so much, but Sam is used to that with Bucky.

Sam's had countless opportunities to walk away, and he's not here out of pity or a sense of responsibility. He's here because he wants to be. Because he likes making Bucky smile.

He tugs on one of Bucky's braids with his free hand, like he can alleviate the quiet heaviness if he stays playful. ]


( You saying you don't value my time? ) [ Their connection is already open, but now Sam draws attention to it, just a little - just enough that if the emotions are too much for Bucky, there's somewhere for him to bleed them off to. ] ( Looks to me like we need another round. )
sizeofyourbaggage: (cracking up)

[personal profile] sizeofyourbaggage 2017-05-08 01:28 am (UTC)(link)
[ Understanding flows back - it's okay, it's fine, Sam was just teasing - and it shifts into disagreement when he picks up that Bucky thinks he doesn't hold up to the echo of himself. That Bucky is a ghost, no one Sam's ever known, and as far as Sam's concerned, he pales in comparison to the man sitting beside him.

To the one who, despite everything, came out tonight to get drinks with him and wondered why they didn't just have a Christmas whenever the hell they felt like it.

The one who just chugged the rest of Sam's drink, what the hell.

Sam laughs harder than he has in a while, his hand on Bucky's knee the only thing keeping him from sliding out off the bar stool as he shoots Bucky a displeased look that would probably have more success if he wasn't still chuckling. ]


( You're such a jackass. ) [ He waves over the bartender anyway, though. ] ( Completely out of proportion, man. )
sizeofyourbaggage: (you know you wanna laugh)

[personal profile] sizeofyourbaggage 2017-05-08 02:12 am (UTC)(link)
( Maybe I was just trying to remember if it felt as nice as it looked. ) [ But it's worked to bring them both back around, and Sam honestly doesn't mind the little dip into seriousness. It's not just Bucky - that always tends to happen, with Sam.

He asks the bartender questions about the menu, about the kind of alcohol they serve there, both to get a better idea of what's close to something that might be served on Earth and to give Bucky time to consider the options. He focuses on things similar to what they've already got, fruity and sweet or crisp and minty.

Finally he settles on something on the menu called a Wet Major. ]
sizeofyourbaggage: (this is charming right)

[personal profile] sizeofyourbaggage 2017-05-08 03:15 am (UTC)(link)
[ It's not the first time that something Sam's done made warmth spark from Bucky's side of the connection - not the first time Bucky's sparked warmth from Sam, either, only Sam usually knows what to do with it. It's different, the buzz Bucky's feeling, but it's not bad, so he doesn't draw attention to it. ...he is gonna remember it for later, though.

Sam knocks back his empty glass, like he's gonna get just a few drops left from the melted ice, as he waits for the bartender to bring their second drinks. ]


( You're a hot dog and mojitos kind of guy, huh? We gotta go on a grocery shopping run before we're done here, stock up the Station's kitchen with hot dogs. I can't remember the last time I made one that wasn't microwaved. )
sizeofyourbaggage: (well how about that)

[personal profile] sizeofyourbaggage 2017-05-09 05:02 am (UTC)(link)
[ Yeah, wonder why that is. Jerk. There's nothing but contented affection coming from Sam at the moment, although his mind does immediately pull up a mental image of a microwave. ]

( Bet we could get a fire going on the Station. )

[ He hunts around for the food menu, pushing it towards Bucky. Bucky's not the only one who feels like he's always hungry, these days. ]
sizeofyourbaggage: (getting kicked out of a meeting)

[personal profile] sizeofyourbaggage 2017-05-09 11:45 pm (UTC)(link)
[ It probably wasn't right, really, the hot dogs didn't taste all that great. But Sam didn't care back then. He does now, of course, and not just because Shiro seems to destroy any microwave he touches trying to cook.

He doesn't say anything about the faint hint of refusal. It's not like he expects Bucky to just get over it, and he'd rather not draw attention to it. Not when Bucky's trying, when he's already come such a long way.

Sam grins as their second round of drinks comes, shooting Bucky a sly look. ]


( I don't think I'll ask. We can do it anyway. )
sizeofyourbaggage: (what're you thinking now)

[personal profile] sizeofyourbaggage 2017-05-10 12:10 am (UTC)(link)
[ Not for long. Sam's gonna teach Bucky how to cook when they're back on the Station, he's already decided. He'll trade it for lessons in the probably way to heat up hot dogs. ]

( Couple of times when I was a kid, some when I got back from overseas and couldn't deal with another night of a bed that was too soft and a room that was claustrophobic. ) [ Which is the kind of thing he only admits to people he trusts, to soldiers who know what it's like, but Bucky's both. He doesn't hesitate.

He pulls his drink towards him, a wordless hum across their mental link that's both question and encouragement to go on. ]
sizeofyourbaggage: (all right good point)

[personal profile] sizeofyourbaggage 2017-05-10 01:10 am (UTC)(link)
[ Sam lifts his glass up in a silent gesture that's somewhere between acknowledgement and toast. Yeah, he gets that. He's said it a hundred or more times before, working at the VA, but they all got the same problems, to one degree or another.

It'd always helped knowing that he wasn't alone. ]


( I still think about it sometimes, when things get to be too much. You think it might help if you tried it when it gets overwhelming? ) [ He pauses, just for a moment. ] ( You think you might mind some company if you do? )
sizeofyourbaggage: (if you eat that sort of thing)

[personal profile] sizeofyourbaggage 2017-05-10 04:10 am (UTC)(link)
[ Bucky's not a danger to Sam, not like that. To others, maybe, but they know what causes it now and they know how to stop it, and Sam's not afraid for himself around Bucky. Never has been, maybe because he also won't hesitate to do what he has to in order to keep himself alive. For obvious reasons, in the past, but now also because he won't be the one to put something like that on Bucky's conscience.

It does't really matter, anyway, seeing as he believes in them both more than enough to think it'd come to that.

He understands the need for freedom, though, and he hums thoughtfully. ]


( Will you think about it now? )
sizeofyourbaggage: (hmmm)

[personal profile] sizeofyourbaggage 2017-05-10 11:20 pm (UTC)(link)
[ He doesn't protest the flashes of memories he gets. Bucky’s not safe when he's like that, he isn't going to deny that. But snippets of his own memories drift across, the small feeling of satisfaction when he told Bucky he wouldn't move his seat up, seeing him in the rear view mirror with a smirk that matched the one on Sam's face, Bucky’s hand warm in his with the challenge coin between them, the rush of frustrated adrenaline of their arguments in the Station, Bucky’s hair sliding through his fingers, his smile at watching the little birds hopping around, the determination in Bucky's mind when they fight the programming.

The feeling of security sleeping next to him. He bumps Bucky’s knee slightly with his own. ]


( That's only a piece of who you are. Me? I'm here for the whole package. Even the parts you ain't opened yet. ) [ Sam takes a gulp of his drink. ] ( I won’t ask you to do more than try. I'll try, too, to give you space when you need it and to apologize when I make mistakes. )
sizeofyourbaggage: (thinking)

[personal profile] sizeofyourbaggage 2017-05-11 02:02 am (UTC)(link)
[ It's not something Sam expects they'll see eye to eye on for a while. But Sam's not going anywhere, long as he has any say about it, and he'll keep trying. That's all he's asked of Bucky, and that's what he'll give in return.

Until maybe one day Bucky believes him when Sam says he's worth the effort, maybe he'll actually be comfortable with having someone who cares.

But he doesn't push the issue now, picking up on what Bucky chose to comment on with ease. ]


( Course it's rare, but yeah. Yeah I do. ) [ He loses the cocky smile, going a little rueful. ] ( I mostly got my shit together, you know, but I worked on it for a long time. I still got days when all I see is everything I should've done different. )
sizeofyourbaggage: (laugh look down)

[personal profile] sizeofyourbaggage 2017-05-13 02:48 am (UTC)(link)
[ Sam's quiet for a moment, enjoying the easy companionship. It's not exactly the best topic, but... it's reality. It's why Sam's always felt the most comfortable in the company of other soldiers, of other people who get it.

And then Bucky actually initiates contact, and the smile that lights up Sam's face is... probably a little bit silly, really. The ease shifts, warms, echoes across their connection, and Sam knocks back a long drink before he looks back over at Bucky. ]


( Which one do you like the best so far? )
sizeofyourbaggage: (all right I dig it)

[personal profile] sizeofyourbaggage 2017-05-14 07:49 am (UTC)(link)
[ He's allowed to now. It's gonna be slow going, Sam knows, even though as far as he's concerned Bucky's more than welcome to any kind of contact he wants - but it's a start, and right now, it's more than enough.

Right now Sam keeps the contact, and reaches up absently to tuck a stray strand of Bucky's hair behind his ear. ]


( Maybe next time we'll go somewhere with a beach, knock back a couple of these with our toes in the sand and watch the sunset. ) [ He sounds almost wistful, even as he catches the bartender's eyes and gestures them over. ] ( I'll settle for a pitcher and a couple of hot dogs right now. )

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