bracchium | c o n t a c t

[ Sam sucks in a breath at that flash of memory, but refuses to let himself get stuck in it, letting it drift away as he exhales. Fire burns under his skin, and it's - Sam's usual specialty is warmth but it doesn't feel like that's gonna help here.

He tries anyway, reaching out like fingers lacing through Bucky's, like the press of a hand to his forehead - like he can sooth away the burn if he just tries. ]

( You're okay, sunshine, you're okay. Stay here with me, you got your coin? )

[ Whatever the answer, Sam has his, and he pulls it out to run his thumb over the etched in wings. His other hand tangles in Buchanan's soft, feathery fur, and he focuses on both of them, on the way Buchanan nips lightly at his hand. Keeps his mind on those sensations, and passes them across the mental link. ]

[The connection is still so distant that Bucky worries for a moment that he might have to deal with this all on his own- whatever this is. Slowing down doesn't seem to quench the heat so he strives instead for a bathroom, but the bond is flickering and he can't bring himself to break it. Instead, he turns back, trying to find the convenience store he passed a couple blocks ago. Ice. They should sell ice. He just needs something to cool him down.

Coin? That's right. It's in his knapsack, but he can't stop to open it with so many people around him, washing him closer to Sam.

He can't seem to focus, but the sensation of feathers under his fingers anchors him.]

( Backpack. )

( It's okay, I got you. )

[ Sam starts moving forward again, chasing the feel of their bond growing stronger. After this, if Bucky even so much as hints that he wants Sam gone, he'll go - at least for another day or two - but right now he can feel Bucky moving closer, too. And Sam would never leave Bucky alone to deal with anything like this, whether it's a flashback or a side effect of the programming.

Buchanan seems to realize that something's up, and he keeps still, butting his head against Sam's arm where Sam's holding him as Sam keeps petting him, keeps sending the sensations through their link.

He keeps their connection wide open as he feels it grow stronger, an open invitation for Bucky to slide into Sam's mind if he wants - at the same time as he lets himself flow more into Bucky's head, hands in his hair and feathers against his skin as he tries to give Bucky something to keep himself grounded in. ]

[Bucky finds a store- he thinks, he's not sure, nothing seems sure right now- and makes a beeline for a bright neon sign reading cool as ice. It's some kind of walk-in cooler for liquor, but that doesn't stop Bucky from marching right in. He picks up the nearest bottle and presses it to his neck even as the refrigeration kicks on, spraying the room with some kind of liquid. He doesn't care. The cold glass against his neck is a godsend as his body continues to burn like a wildfire.

He can feel Sam growing closer, their connection widening and fanning out. His fingers curl tighter around the bottle, desperate for relief.]

( Sam. ) [This time, he's bidding his broodmate closer, though he can't express it directly.]

[ I'm here, I'm coming.

He doesn't exactly say it, but by now he's close enough that he doesn't have to. Sam can feel the relief from the cold, feel that it's not enough, that Bucky's still burning, and he picks up his pace, weaving in and out of the crowd quick as he can.

It's not long before he zeros in on the store, and it's pretty damn easy to tell where Bucky'd gone.

Sam ducks inside the cooler and makes a beeline for Bucky, ignoring the bite of the refrigeration unit and pausing only to make sure he zips his jacket closed around Buchanan. Then he reaches out, physically and mentally, his mind curling around Bucky's at the same time as he goes to press a hand against Bucky's forehead. Trying to figure out if this is a current physical reaction or a remembered one. ]

[The reaction is largely a remembered one, but so powerfully ingrained in him that it feels as real as the hand pressed to his forehead. Frost has already begun to gather on his skin, freezing the sweat as well as his eyelashes. He continues to clutch the bottle to his neck, though it doesn't seem to bring his body temperature down. He remembers seeing the other Soldiers go through this too, though in a different way, when their bodies were rejecting the serum, overloading their minds.

He blinks up at Sam, gaze glassy in pain. He should've known the consequences of saying no.]

[ Bucky’s pain is obvious, and it pulls at his symbiote ability - but there's nothing to heal, not really. Not that way, though Sam's not gonna let it stop him from trying to sooth the pain another way.

Sam pushes his hand into Bucky's hair, stroking through it as he lets himself settle into their brood bond. He pours himself into Bucky's mind like he can find the source of the pain and drive it away, wings stretching wide to pull Bucky into their shelter at the same time as he pulls Bucky into his arms. ]

( Come here, sunshine, come here. We won't let them hurt you any more; you can say no as many damn times as you want. Focus on right now, all right, on you and me. ) [ He fumbles in his pocket, presses his own coin into the palm of Bucky's hand. ]

[Bucky's heartbeat flutters in his veins as he struggles against the fire coursing through him. He knows Sam would take away the physical ailment if there were one, but as complicated as his conditioning is, of course it isn't that easy. His mind is cloudy and distant, absorbed entirely with the pain even as Sam reaches for him. Mental wings stretch out to shelter him, but everything is too hot before they curl around him. In his mind, the programming is surprisingly quiet, but iridescent red with the heat it's putting off.

His clammy fingers close around the coin as he continues to sweat bullets in the refrigeration unit.]

[ The pain cuts across Sam's mind, and he lets his symbiote ability go anyway, feels it webbing out across their connection and through Bucky's symbiote, searching for anything it can heal. Whether or not it finds anything, it's a struggle to hold it back with this much pain, and he wants to focus all he's got on Bucky.

He breathes, focuses on the way his stomach rises and falls with every breath, and tangles his fingers in Bucky's hair again. ]

( Breathe, Bucky. They can't take you, you're safe here. Just focus with me. )

[ The programming burns in Bucky's mind, and Sam can see it even as he tries to shield him from it - and it's not exactly a conscious decision when his wings melt, holding only the vaguest shape of feathers as they rush over it, as the warm breeze that usually accompanies Sam's mental link chills to try to combat it. ]

[His fingers dig into the coin, trying to re-route his mind, but the programming is burning hot like a brand. The usual chill of his mind is instead molten hot, the snow and ice now knee-deep brine bordering on boiling water. He tries to breathe, but his tongue sits thick and heavy in his mouth. He's not supposed to be able to say no and this is why.

The conditioning makes him want to be frozen, the disobedient Soldier gets locked up.]

[ When Sam first got here, he - well, he probably wouldn't even have gone this far in Bucky's mind, but here would probably be where he stopped. He'd have probably just hunkered down here and tried to provide what support he could while they rode it out, ask Bucky questions about it later.

But now he focuses on their brood bond and pulls. The programming runs deep, and by himself Sam could never hope to fight it for Bucky - but their symbiotes are a part of them, with a vested interest in making sure they survive, making sure their bond is strong. It's instinct, more than anything else, when his calls to Bucky's. When he weaves it tight around both of them, and opens his mind up completely to try to pull Bucky in. To give him an escape, to get around it indirectly instead of fighting it head on.

Come here. ]

[Bucky doesn't expect the pull on his mind. He blinks up at Sam in confusion before shutting his eyes to focus on the back path created the last time they dove this deep into each other. It springs up out of the deluge and he follows it away from the rapidly-boiling brine. The symbiote is pretty happy to facilitate as well and Bucky shifts to step out of his mind. It's a good idea, to wait out the programming's burn instead of fighting it head-on. He's coming.]

[ There's a wordless murmur of encouragement as he feels Bucky slipping back along their brood bond, and Sam falls back with him, wings out to cover them. It's something he learned as a pararescueman first, battling the demons of his mind and others second - there's always another route, when trying to overtake it head on fails.

His shields lower completely, letting Bucky sink in as deep as he wants to, back into the vibrancy of Sam's mind. It hasn't changed, since the last time they did this, except now there's a quiet, faint sense of familiarity about having Bucky there. ]

( Hey, sunshine. You with me? )

[The once frigid tundra of Bucky's mind has begun to boil over just in time for Sam to cover them. Sinking into the bond and venturing deeper into Sam's mind allows the heat to grow distant, like a warm oven. Sam's mind is, as always, stunning, a wash of brilliant hues and Bucky can't help but bask for a moment before settling further. He can feel the warmth of his body ocer the bond, still burning away, but at this distance, it's far less suffocating and inescapable.

Bucky keeps to himself in his own way in Sam's mind, if such a thing is possible, not wanting to enjoy the comfort too much.]

( Yeah. )

[ That's one for Team Bucky, as far as Sam's concerned. Maybe they can't face the programming head on, not yet, but there's ways around it, ways they can still fight it. But he can feel the way Bucky still tries to hold back, to keep himself from being comforted too much, and Sam doesn't hesitate before reaching out to give it to him anyway, to hold him close mentally as well as physically.

Maybe it isn't fair to try to make Bucky listen to this now, but Bucky's in his head. Bucky needs to hear this, Sam needs to say it, and even if he's already planning on saying it again and again until it sticks - there's no better time for Bucky to be able to feel Sam's conviction, to get a sense of just how true it is. ]

( What happened to you isn't okay, Bucky. You didn't deserve any of it, no matter what terrible things you've done when you were under someone else's heel, and you don't deserve this. You made your opinion known, man, you set a boundary and that's something you should be proud of, not punished for. ) [ He rests his forehead against Bucky's, at the same time as there's a mental sensation like feathers brushing over his cheeks. ]

( You were a prisoner of war, a weapon, but you're still a person. You can't tell me you haven't suffered, so damn much, and I ain't stupid enough to believe you don't got more to go through. I wish you wouldn't add to it. )

[Bucky shudders in Sam's embrace, whether from the feverish burn coursing through his body or the weight of Sam's words, he's not sure but at this proximity, both mental and physical, there's nowhere left to run. His heart continues to thrum in his throat at a lightning pace, perhaps a little faster now. He disagrees, as he always does, but he's also deeply hesitant to do so directly, not while he can still feel the effects of his last effort. So, he lets Sam embrace him, mentally and physically, even as the usual questions rise. How does anyone know he's Bucky to begin with? How does anyone know he's worth all this trouble? He can't deserve this, not after everything, after Berlin, after the robbery.

He isn't hurting himself now, by running, by rationing his food and hiding like a rat. ]

( I know, Bucky. I know. I've been inside your mind, man, I've seen who you were and who you are and I'm starting to see who you're gonna be. You're worth every minute of it and more. )

[ If anyone knows the answers to those questions, Sam's pretty sure at this point he can safely say it's him. He'd never planned on going that deep inside Bucky's head, or having him this much in his own, but he can't say he regrets it.

He can't say he wouldn’t do it again, that he isn't going to do it again. ]

( You are a person. You deserve to be treated like one. And you don't have to do this alone, not when we're so much stronger together. )

[Sam says it--- thinks it--- with such surety that there's honestly little room to doubt. He does still doubt, still question, but that's an innate part of who he is, same as his desire to not kill others. The Soldier has already taken so many and Steve seems to believe it's possible to live without killing, still does despite being a foot or so shorter and a good hundred pounds lighter.

There's a lot of people who think differently than Sam, but somehow Sam is still the arbiter in his fate here on the Station, the barrier separating the Soldier from the innocent minds tangled up in theirs.

He wishes he could do this all alone, no matter how foolish that hope is.]

[ Sam doesn't have any doubts, not about this. But he knows Bucky does - that he probably always will, to some degree or another. It's part of what makes him him, really. If living without killing is what Bucky wants... well, Sam's never seemed to manage it, but he's willing to try to figure something out for Bucky.

But that's a conversation for later, for when they're not sitting in a giant refrigeration unit. ]

( I'm your friend, sunshine, this isn't a one-way street. I know you'd be there if I needed you; you've had my back before. ) [ More than Bucky knows, really. Sam's used the coin Bucky gave him more than once, and it helps in part because it was a gesture from a friend. From Bucky. ] ( Do you really wanna do this alone, or is it just because you don't feel like you deserve the support and you don't wanna hurt anyone by being around them? )

[ He's not sure if Bucky can actually answer that, at least not in words - even if they're mental ones - but their connection is strong enough that Sam figures he can get an answer somehow, anyway. ]

[Bucky doesn't quite understand Sam's confidence in him, how he knows Bucky would have his back. Of course, Bucky would be there for Sam in heartbeat, regardless of any sense of obligation. He'd do whatever it takes, really, to keep Sam safe, which brings the second question into effect.

While his answer is due more to the latter- that he doesn't deserve the support and he doesn't want to hurt anyone- he does have some quiet desire for the former. He used to work on his own and lived by himself in Bucharest for two years, so being surrounded by people is a constant assault on his senses, mental links aside.]

[ It's... not something Sam can put into words, really. An instinct, maybe, helped by little pieces he can point to like the way they fought together physically or the way they've grounded each other mentally and emotionally, and fueled by the connection between them. ]

( I'll try to be better, about picking up on when you really do need space and giving it to you. )

[ He knows that it's hard for Bucky to actually ask for it, and Sam... he can do that, he can figure out how to make it so Bucky can get that time alone without feeling like he needs to run all the time. Somehow. The rest of that, well. They're back into what Bucky deserves and whether or not Sam should feel safe around him. This isn't the place to go into it. ]

( Come on, all right, let's get somewhere safer than the middle of a store to wait this out. )

[Once again, Bucky feels that he doesn't deserve the extra effort on Sam's part. In HYDRA, he was given space merely because of convenience and after because Bucky didn't want to be found while he sorted through the remains of his head. On the Station, Concordia, and now the Waypoint, he feels selfish for wanting the distance, while also believing it the best course after another episode of the Soldier, such as now.

When Sam mentions leaving the refrigeration unit, Bucky instinctively digs in his mental heels. He doesn't want to go back to the sweltering heat of his own mind or leave the chill of the refrigeration when the programming continues to burn away. A moment later, though, he realizes how selfish that instinct is and he starts to withdraw, first mentally.]

[ Sam's gonna give it to him, anyway. It's the opposite, as far as Sam's concerned - it's not selfish for Bucky to want that kind of space, after everything he's been through, and that's why Sam'll do it. Not because he thinks it's for the best after what'd happened.

When he feels Bucky start to withdraw mentally, Sam's kneejerk reaction is to reach out to stop him, the mental impression of fingers laced together and a tug to pull him back. ]

( Stay here? There's a hotel room close by, we can get to it together. )

[ Or if they can't - then Sam'll wait it out here. He won't send Bucky back to his own mind when the programming is still intent on causing him pain. On making him suffer for anything, let alone for having an opinion and saying no, which are things that Bucky sure as hell should do.

He doesn't hide any of that from Bucky, as he moves to try to stand and pull Bucky up with him, at the same time as he tries to keep Bucky more in Sam's mind than his own. Sam'd... mostly managed it, when he'd stayed in Bucky's head while fighting the Soldier, but if they can't do both, Sam knows which one he'll pick. ]

[When he's pulled back, Bucky is filled with a rush of gratitude. He didn't want to go back. Not now, not until the programming starts cooling down again. A hotel room will certainly allow them more privacy than a walk-in liquor cooler. From the distance, feeling his body move and shift pulls at his mind with a gravity of a sinking ship. While it's not impossible to stay rooted with Sam, it does grow more difficult. His feet are under him and Bucky slides more into his mind, despite his efforts to remain in Sam.

He remembers this sensation: his feet and hands held in boiling water. Of course, this sort of conditioning didn't happen as often as others, considering the difficulty of heating water in a pit in Siberia, but the few times it did stick in his mind. Phantom pain sears up his left arm, where fingers should be but no longer exist. ]

[ Sam hesitates when he feels Bucky slip back, when he gets the bleed over from the rush of pain. He stops moving, one arm wrapped tight around Bucky's waist, and he opens their connection wider to beckon Bucky back in.

They could push through it, probably, withstand the pain for long enough to get somewhere they're not likely to be interrupted or kicked out of. But it's not worth it to Sam. Bucky's been through more than enough pain in his life, and if there's something Sam can do to stop it, he'll do it every time. ]

( You okay if I carry you there? )

желание I know you are the answer, but I forgot the question.	печь There will always be a lie in believe.
один Whatever is static is dead.	рассвет The world is too quiet.

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