bracchium: (b)
ᴛʜᴇ ᴡɪɴᴛᴇʀ sᴏʟᴅɪᴇʀ ([personal profile] bracchium) wrote2016-05-08 06:13 pm
Entry tags:

c o n t a c t









желание
I know you are the answer, but I forgot the question.



печь
There will always be a lie in believe.



один
Whatever is static is dead.



рассвет
The world is too quiet.















sizeofyourbaggage: (that's a hard one)

[personal profile] sizeofyourbaggage 2018-05-03 03:02 am (UTC)(link)
[ Bucky's screams echo in Sam's mind, and all Sam can do is watch - that's all he can ever do when it's the ones who matter the most what good is - no. He lets the feeling go before it's fully formed, and reaches out with his free hand to tangle his fingers in Bucky's hair.

Even without the programming still active, Bucky would have learned not to say no, not to want. Over and over they proved that what Bucky wanted would never matter, and even though Sam's always known that they had a long road ahead of them to prove that it didn't have to be that way anymore - seeing it still makes him want to go back and put a bullet in every one of their heads.

But he doesn't try to push the memory away, doesn't try to pull Bucky from it. This isn't his to make go away, and no matter how angry it makes him, no matter how much it makes his heart hurt, makes him want take out every last person who ever looked at Bucky and saw a weapon to be controlled - he won't. This is Bucky's. They burned away every memory he had that was inconvenient, and despite saying the words, Sam will never, ever be like them. He stays with it, stays with Bucky, lets it unfold around them and tries to give Bucky something to anchor onto. ]


( I'm here. ) [ He forms the words in their mind, and it echoes - they're gone, they're gone and I'm here. ] ( You can say no. You can let me know what you want. )
sizeofyourbaggage: (I hear you)

[personal profile] sizeofyourbaggage 2018-05-13 09:43 pm (UTC)(link)
[ There's the ghost sensation of someone pulling his own hair, despite the fact that it's been a long time since it was long enough to get yanked on, but Sam shakes himself free of it. Instead, he focuses on his hand in Bucky's hair, keeping his touch gentle, fingertips scratching gently over his scalp. It' always been about changing the experience a little, taking something expected and making it new - creating a dissonance to keep Bucky here with him, open things up and let him see there's more out there.

When the memories strain, become vaguer, and the faces start surfacing - he knows, this should be the place where they're pushed away, where everything is cleared.

Not this time. There's no wipe coming, no punishment, no orders for the next mission, no more people to kill.

Just the two of them. ]


( Your memories are your own, Bucky, you can have them. ) [ He untangles his fingers from Bucky's hair to press his palm over Bucky's heart, a mirror of how he's holding Bucky's own hand to Sam's chest. The last time they did this it'd been too hard to keep themselves separate, but that -

That doesn't matter now. There's no need for them to be separate while they do this. ]
sizeofyourbaggage: (hand hold)

[personal profile] sizeofyourbaggage 2018-05-27 07:12 am (UTC)(link)
[ He lets out a slow exhale as he feels the way that Bucky's waiting for something to happen - for the chair, for the way they erased everything - and it never comes.

The programming is still laid bare and vulnerable in Bucky's mind, and it's tempting to try to dig deeper into it, to tell it that Bucky is a person and not a weapon - but he knows how risky that is, knows how ingrained a lot of the programming is and how much it'd reject a sudden change like that. It's better to go slower.

So he smoothes a hand over the cogs of the programming, a mix of gentle and commanding. Buries it back underneath the snow, strong and confident, at the same time as he knows that their broodbond has been buried just as deep. The next time the Soldier surfaces - and Sam's not naive enough to believe that it'll never happen again - they'll be written in there so deep that it'll be easier, he has to believe that. The Solider will know him. ]


I'm here, love, I'm here.

[ The term of endearment slips from his lips before he's even able to process it, but it doesn't really matter. The feelings are already there - they've been there for a long, long time. Him saying it doesn't change anything. ]

I've got you.